Bdiary of an Otonyan

Second after Twenthieth Entry

2006-11-08T15:38:00.000-08:00

Much time has passed since I have had a moment to tune into the blogosphere. Xzazar as you may have guessed is the center of our focus. It can now invade minds -- psychobegging for more nourishment to quench its insatiable appetite. Of course it remains unresistably adorable! Recently it learned to absorb particles from the atmosphere, giving us some free time and energy!

Mine I have decided to spend catching up on the goings on of the universe. The waves among you Earthlings are abuzz with excitement! Sadness remains, but your sphere emits bolts of positive light from each visible land mass. We Otonyans congratulate you on your optimism. My understanding of the reasons you celebrate is only partial. On your yesterday, I noticed in one portion of a visible land mass that there were many more queues than usual, concentrated in spots. Any elucidation on the meanings of these events is welcome.

Parenting duties beckon. Whatever you Earthlings are excited about, I sincerely hope chance aligns with your wishes. Peace.

First after Twentieth Entry

2006-04-11T16:16:00.000-07:00

The birth was successful -- we are now proud parents of a cute baby grunyi. We have chosen to name our child Xzazar, after one of its technically now thirty grandparents. Half of us seem to be suffering something akin to "postpartum depression", as it is known in your world. Our symptoms are a sharp pain in our cores and rot-spots on our flesh. After we clean them out, deep pits are left behind which, without attentive care, can become infected. Our postpartum depression is a direct result of the extreme isolation we underwent during pregnancy, the birthing process, and now, the heavy demands we face in supporting Xzazar's growth and development. There is never a question however whether it is worth it.

Grunyis eat the most of all the genders, and we must each take turns with the feedings -- twenty-five per day! Ooyot babies begin the size and texture of an Earthling raisin and are of a dark green color. It takes many months of feeding to attain that highly sought after plump pear shape that is the pride of young ooyot parents these days. After only three Earthling days, however, we are making visible progress. The wrinkle lines are fading and Xzazar's base is really starting to take shape!

Twentieth Entry

2006-03-11T07:19:00.000-08:00

It's the third month of embryonic incubation and the unborn one has been doing just fine. As we must remained "hooked-up" for the duration of the pregnancy, we've been practicing a fair amount of meditation. I have been drifting in and out of hasfuy, what you would call consciousness, for about 50 of your earth days. I'm sorry that such practices do not allow me to "post" on your blogger comunication platforms, but pregnancy is very tough on us ooyotes. We must not only nourish our embryo with matter, but mentally stimulate its "wireless" organs. This stimulation is critical; we must ensure that it can function in our advanced society.

The Otonyan sky is beautiful tonight, all yellow and green. I am very tired and I must save the energy needed to stimulate the young one in the next session.

Nineteenth Entry

2006-01-20T13:35:00.000-08:00

Home life has vastly improved since Hfsh's return. To our relief, Hfsh and Rsadssa get along splendidly. Even better, we consulted an ooyotian doctor regarding our embryo and were informed that thanks to advancements in medical technology, Hfsh can be included. The doctor explained that the medical personnel could extract DNA from both Hfsh and the embryo, run a computer analysis of both to determine an optimal code, then strategically cut genes from Hfsh's DNA and and weave them into the embryo's. The embryo will take two additional Earthling months to conform all the already existing DNA to the new DNA, but after that it should be fine. That way, Hfsh won't feel left out. The miracles of medical science these days are really impressive!

We also filed a report with IDS (Interplanetary Detective Services) about Hfsh's kidnapping and what we observed in Nuvem 1. We expect to hear back from them in the next few weeks. Hopefully they will be able to crack the mystery!

Eighteenth Entry

2006-01-10T14:10:00.000-08:00

We're just back from our rescue mission to the galaxies known in your parts as Nuvens de Magalhaes, previously untraveled by Otonyan kind. Thankfully, we were successful in retrieving dear Hfsh from the clutches of evil kidnappers. We do not yet have a complete understanding of their motive, but apparently Hfsh was not a lone victim. We found a number of other of other ooyots imprisoned in glass jugs. Some we found dismembered and scattered about over a countertop. It appeared that the kidnappers had some interest in ooyotian telepathic technology, as the communication devices of our poor planetfellows had been extracted and were nowhere to be found among their grisly remains. We were beset with grief that anyone would go so far as to destroy us. However, we were also overjoyed to find Hfsh and other abducted ooyots alive! Still, something is lurking out there. I suspect this won't be the last of it.

We were tipped off to Hfsh's location by signals that we traced in a direction beyond the reaches of our galaxy. Hfsh had tried to communicate with us, but due to the distance, only evidence of a message, but not its contents, made it through. While we had no map of the area since neither of the Nuvens has been previously explored, as soon as we merged into Nuvem 1 in the direction of the signal, we came across a small, visibly inhabited planet, from which we detected Hfsh's signal emanating with increasing intensity, despite a constant background of high-pitched vibration that sometimes obscured it.

When we arrived on terra firma, we parasited onto a much larger pod that appeared to have also just landed. The alien pod carried us down to an inner chamber, hidden beneath the surface of the planet. We had the fortune of not meeting any of Hfsh's captors or their kind. Thanks perhaps to our size, we were able to complete the mission undetected. However, it is rather strange -- the chambers in which we found the glass jugs and ooyot remains appeared quite ordinary based on our experience on Earth and in other parts of the universe, yet we saw no inhabitants on that planet, anywhere.

We are just grateful that we all returned intact. We now face the difficult task of deciding what to do, now that we are already well underway in our nesting with Rsadssa and now Hfsh's is returned to us. While sixsomes are not unheard of, five can anticipate that a sixsome, especially where one has not equally partaken in the act of parenting, is wrought with subtle complexities and conflicts. We shall keep you posted about the status of our family.

Seventeenth Entry

2005-12-11T11:51:00.000-08:00

Hfsh is alive.

We do not know what to do.

Sixteenth Entry

2005-12-03T11:00:00.000-08:00

All is calm here in our liquid homeworld.

This has been such a great week. I do feel bad for our old fifth, Hfsh, but our new one, Rsadssa, is just great.

Yesterday we installed the new "hookups" to connect our five bodies together. We're going to try to replicate, or as you earthlings would say, reproduce. It's funny that this whole topic of procreation is so taboo on your world. Here it's different.

Wish us luck.

Fifth after the Tenth Entry

2005-11-29T15:53:00.000-08:00

So to day we met a new fifth!

We telecommunicated with our new partner, named Rsadssa, after receiving a tip from the bureau of missing, lost and newfound matting types. Rsadssa's group were victims of that meteor shower, did I mention it? A dozen of so rocks slammed onto our vast ocean-planet about four of your earth days past.

The explosions were of great intensity and unleashed giant compression waves in our liquid environment. Unfortunately Rsadssa's fivesome was hit with one of these hot compression waves ... Rsadssa barely survived, the poor thing looks like it has a bite taken off of it. The others are gone.

So tragic.

But now we can bring hope to our new companion and also fill the great hole in our own group.

Fourteenth Entry

2005-11-27T08:22:00.000-08:00

I once described my home planet. Did I ever mention our moon, Sohrenya?

Here is a nice picture I took from my last jaunt around our solar system.

Thanks for the Grub!

2005-11-25T16:00:00.000-08:00

Just back from a trip to Earth -- visited some fellow Otonyans who are studying Earthling culture in America. For the Thanksgiving feast, we were guests at the home of an American Earthling. We ate so much that if we had stomachs, they would most certainly explode! The effect of tryptophan on us ooyots is just about the opposite of that on Earthlings. My friends and I were bouncing off the walls, while our Earthling friend nearly shook the neighborhood with his snores! We tried ever so hard to pull his face out of the mashed potatoes and put him to bed, but the combination of our pear-shaped bodies and the slickness from the gravy grease rendered it impossible. So we had to leave him there. I hope he didn't die of mashed potato asphyxia. Oh dear.

Twelfth Entry

2005-11-16T19:58:00.000-08:00

Recently a rather tall member of your species, who is educating himself in the art of tissue repair, asked me a question:

When you're dealing with an alien species where five individuals are involved in a replication event, I assume that the words he and she no longer apply? Are such pronouns still in use, or does one just not bother anymore?

That is true, we do not refer to each other as he or she. In some of our ancient languages we did have seperate pronouns for each mating type. When it came to multiple individuals instead of "they", we would use different words depending on the number and mating types found in a group.

In one ancient language, wswswtywtye, there were 3,453 different pronouns. To master such a language and its grammatical intricacies would take many years and several degrees at institutions for higher learning.

Eventually the whole thing became too complicated and language, for a time, was abandoned all together. Once language was reacquired, we rid our selves of pronouns and such silly artifacts. Today as we communicate through what you would call telepathy, grammar and other conventions are very different. In pure thought, communication somehow does not require these types of rules, and communication became much simpler, concise and precise. Philosophers now theorize why spoken language is clumsy and filled with obstacles and barriers, while our current mode of sharing ideas is effortless. I myself do not claim to understand it, but now that I write to you earthdwellers, I can fully understand the nature of traditional communication and all of its shortcomings.

Eleventh Entry

2005-11-10T21:31:00.000-08:00

I just spent the last few hours meditating. Unlike you earthlings, we Otonyans do not sleep, and meditation provides a way to reorganize our consciousness generating organ. Oh yes, you earthlings would call it a brain, but ours is very different. Our "brain" does not contain neurons, and our bodies are not made of cells. I would like to explain to you exactly how we are put together, but unfortunately, your earthling languages lack the appropriate vocabulary.

Pensaba lo explicar en una otra lengua, pero hay siempre problemas.

Alors, je peux seulement vous dire la meme chose, n'importe la facon de communiquer.

But you will never understand.

Tenth Entry

2005-11-07T16:41:00.000-08:00

As previously promised, I shall now share with you insights into a great mystery of Otonya's past that our friends, the historians, shared with us.

Prior to visiting us, our friends journeyed on an expedition in the company of what you would call biologists to the great depths of the Otonyan sea. It is unknown just how deep it goes -- no one has ever reached the bottom and returned. As our friends and the biologists plunged deeper, they took samples of the sea and the fauna in it at every 100 meters. They traveled approximately 500 megameters (I think that's the proper term in earthling speak) deep, being careful to label their tubes with each appropriate depth. When they returned, they conducted a full battery of chemical tests on the samples, charting for various substances.

What they found was fascinating.

Their charts revealed that the further they plunged into the abyss, the higher the levels of three substances -- mynooth, ferticon and grapa -- were found in the tissues of the fauna. These three substances are liquid at ambient tempurature, but are known to solidify at very cold temperatures.

What does this all mean?

Ninth Entry

2005-11-06T10:34:00.000-08:00

Now you may ask why we Otonyans have no arms. This subject was recently brought up by our friends the historian fivesome (Nynnys, Lyrnas, Dyrvyn, Catralyn and Tysseri), who visited us about one earth week ago.

Well long ago, we Ooyots of Otonya, mastered what you would call genetic control of our own species. We wanted to rid ourselves of our species' abnormality, that five individuals, each having a separate mating (or sex) type, had to unite for several of your earth years to produce a viable offspring. We developed a fourteen step program to attempt to fix this so that we could reproduce clonally, in other words, without mating. We started to perform genetic experiments on ourselves, but certain individuals resented this tampering. War broke out between those that supported genetic change and those that did not. Many died. Soon one faction produced viruses that specifically infected the opposition and led to a quick death.

Unfortunately the virus mutated and soon the the terrible weapon we had created attacked every individual regardless of allegiance.

Instead of war between two sides, we now waged war

against our own demon.

Eventually virus resistant individuals appeared. But these individuals lacked appendages, and it was soon realized that the very lack of limbs was what made these ooyotes resistant to the virus. A mating program soon developed (what you earthlings have called eugenics) to breed these beneficial yet crippling genes to the surviving population. Eventually we defeated the virus but all us Ooyotes that survived were the offspring of limbless parents. We tried to regenerate limbs, but without success - all "re-limbed" individuals were consumed by the virus.

We now construct artificial limbs, and we regulate their operation through our "wireless/telepathic" technology. We have learned to live with what we have become. We became pears.

Eighth Entry

2005-11-01T04:10:00.000-08:00

Visit to Earth was great. You earthlings think that you are so smart. Fortunately the fact that I am the shape and size of a pear and that my vehicle for interplanetary travel is the size of one of your basketballs makes me virtually invisible to your ocular detection and to your radar devices. To visit the streets of Salem, I took a ride on top of a tall lady dressed up as a fruit vendor. People called her Miss Chiquita. She laughed and giggled and danced all night long. Eventually I discovered that she was actually a he, how playful you earthlings are!

Although you earthlings are blind to the small you do have a great ability to celebrate life - your Halloween was quite enjoyable.

Seventh Entry

2005-10-31T11:13:00.000-08:00

As today is the only day of the year on which I can travel freely on Earth in my true form, I decided to take a daytrip to Earth. I traveled by space carrier, got dropped off in the Atlantic Ocean, changed into my piernaspants and climbed out of the water. Tonight I plan to visit Salem, MA to enjoy watching the other creatures.

I'll tell you about what we learned this weekend, but later.

Sixth Entry

2005-10-27T14:18:00.000-07:00

Today we move on with our lives. Tomorrow, our good friends -- Nynnys, Lyrnas, Dyrvyn, Catralyn and Tysseri, a fivesome -- come to visit for some moments. They are historians and we are anxious to learn some newfound secrets of our collective past. We also plan to swim out to the nearby Mrynyrqys region, which is famous for its iridescent fluorospores. It will be a sight to behold!

We are in a hurry to fix up our area for our guests, as our lives since Hsfh left have been in some disarray. On top of that, we are struggling to decide what waves to surround our guests in. We have selected jaunty, bright material, to infuse our guests as much as ourselves with optimism and vitality.

Have a wonderful few days -- I know not whether I'll have the mind to communicate while our guests are here.

Fifth Entry

2005-10-26T06:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's concert was marvelous. However I must clarify something, I have been calling this a concert, but only for a lack of any other way of describing it. Shyrls Mynqys can resynthesize many episodes of our collective thought and experience, but in an almost abstract style. Ahh, let me try again, it was mesmerizing static. Excuse my inability to properly articulate this display of virtuosity.

How would you describe music to one who lacked the ability to hear?

As my life on Otonya continues, I still cannot forget our recent loss. You may wonder how I, an ooyotian with telepathic (or as you would now say "wireless") capabilities could not know the fate of our lost companion; simply put, our communicative capabilities are limited. If we seek each other out mentally, yet fail to hear an answer does this indicate they end or a new beginning for our fifth one? Death in our world is always shrouded in uncertainty, and this would equally seem to be the case on your world. But unlike you humans we do not wonder about a soul or a higher being but the real tangible faith of of loved ones.

Have they floated away in the ether or have they become nomads with within the vast expanse of our ocean?

Please forgive my long soliloquy, this time has been a time of sadness.

Fourth Entry

2005-10-24T09:51:00.000-07:00

We are going to the Myrns Theater to experience the famous Shyrls Mynqys. I cannot wait. While a steady intake of waves of certain frequencies and amplitudes are vital to ooyotian well-being and survival, Mynqys might seem a bit of a luxury. However, given the blow we recently suffered, some exposure to the deeper registers will do us some good. Also, the Myrns Theater region is zyrdzys-rich: we'll emerge from the performance happy, energetic, and refreshed enough to return to the daunting task that awaits us.

Third Entry

2005-10-22T13:57:00.000-07:00

Now you may wonder how I, Xyzzy, can post entries onto your "world wide web". The answer I'm afraid is not simple.

Once we too were a rather dull organism. We ran around and interacted with each other to form the basis of a primitive economy. As you have just discovered, the exchange of information was extremely important to our society.

We too had a version of what you would call an "internet" but it was different in many ways. Eventually we dispensed with what you would call wires and external devices to communicate with each other. You might say that we went "wireless" to use your terminology. But it was much more than that. We implanted these devices within our selves, and eventually we even changed our genetic code so that such communication mechanisms would be fully formed during our development and each one of us could communicate on this "network" from the instant of birth.

Ironically if I had written this down half a century ago I would only be able to tell you that we possessed the power of telepathy, fortunately your technology has advanced sufficiently for me to explain this all to you.

This very same fact was the reason for my recent reconnaissance trip to your planet. We deposited beacons, which I am now using to transmit my thoughts to this "blogger", so that we may communicate with you.

Second Entry

2005-10-22T08:22:00.000-07:00

I am very upset. Hsfh left us today, just disappeared. How are we to make a new one now? The five of us have been working hard to join but I fear that all these months have been in vain. Now Hsfh is gone and I fear that death may be the reason. When one dies on (or more acurately in) our world, one floats away. I suspect that Hsfh must have left us when we were all busy with our own private affairs.

I envy you earthlings, all you need to participate in the generation of new life is a simple couple. Everything becomes so much more complicated when five are involved. All the different relationships, all the miscommunication, all the infighting. I fear we will never find a fifth. Why did evolutionary history curse us in this way?

Could Hsfh have left us in anger? I do not believe it.

Poor Hsfh.

We are all sad.

First Entry

2005-10-21T19:14:00.000-07:00

Thank you for visiting my bdiary. I am Xyzzy Zazu, from the land of Otonya, on the outer perimeter of the Milky Way. I last visited Earth approximately three earth months ago -- sent on a reconaissance mission by the Otonyan Planet Exploratory Commission (OPEC).

Upon my return, I decided to begin this bdiary so that I would have an outlet for my thoughts and in the hopes that I would enlighten Earthlings with knowledge of a distant, unknown world. As a humble Otonyan, I also hope to be enlightened by you -- my readers. Please feel free to offer your cultural insights in the commentary section of my bdiary.

I thought I would begin by a description of my homeland. Otonya is a planet of approximately 5.1 billion major inhabitants -- approximately 3.3 billion zyrdzys, 1.3 billion mynqys, and half a billion ooyots. Unlike your land, Otonya is pear-shaped. Its atmosphere is liquid -- 50% methanol, 42% mercury and 8% other substances. Since there is no terra firma in sight, all Otonyans are highly skilled and developed swimmers.

It is believed that long ago, there was solid ground on Otonya and creatures with legs; however, according to the elders, they died out long ago. One of my twenty-five grandparents once told me that a passing traveler spoke of seeing carcasses of these legged monstrosities -- which we call guaguas -- in the equatorial regions of the planet, which for centuries have been too dense to inhabit. My dream since that day has been to discover the truth about guaguas -- how they lived, what they did, and how they ultimately perished as a species. But that is a subject for another day . . .